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Saving a marriage teetering on the brink of divorce can be done, but answering the question “How can I save my marriage?” is more complicated than the Sunday paper advice columns make it seem. You can do everything “right” and still end up hitting an impasse. Sound familiar? If so, here are some tips for getting around some of the common sticking points that throw the reconciliation process off the tracks.

Decide what you want from your relationship!

There are as many types of marriages as there are married couples and as long they work for the couple and any kids involved, then they work. The problems is a lot of us start wondering “How can I save my marriage?” without knowing exactly what we’re trying to “save” in the first place. After all, it’s not your marriage certificate you’re trying to save, but the relationship the two of you have.

Take some time to think over the type of relationship you want. Once you have a fairly clear vision of your ideal marriage, talk it over with your spouse. Hopefully, your visions will be similar, but if not, at least you’ll be able to see exactly what’s been holding up your negotiations.

Be honest about your behavior!

You’ve heard it all before: don’t criticize, be respectful, listen attentively. You know deep down that’s how you should be talking to each other, but is that really how you’re doing it? The way we talk to our partners tends to become a reflex over the years, so you’ll really have to pay attention to root out any problems. One good way to get a more objective view is to imagine your spouse were a casual acquaintance. If it’s not polite enough to say to someone you hardly know, then it’s not polite enough to say to your spouse, either.

Release the blame!

One of the first steps towards repairing a marriage is letting go of the need to blame the other person for anything. Let’s face it, keep trying to reach an agreement on whose fault each little problem is and you’ll be going around in circles indefinitely. So long as there are only two people in your marriage, both of you are each 50% responsible for any problems that come up. Even if you’re spouse has been unfaithful, you still need to address anything you might have done that lead to that or, in some cases, lead to your marriage to an incurable swinger.

Commit to improving!

Once you’ve managed to get past the blame game stage, the next step in answering the question “How can I save my marriage?” commitment to making efforts to treat each other better. It can help to pick certain things you want to work on like nagging less or spending more quality time together.

These tips will get you started towards making up with your spouse, but naturally there’s a lot more to it that this. It’s no good to keep asking yourself, “How can I save my marriage?” without taking action to get some qualified advice and take action to improve your relationship as soon as possible. Whether you decide to go in for counseling or find a good self-help book, do something for your marriage today.

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